The Somethin' Family Album

by Neil Conway

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02:58
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02:46
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03:37
12.
03:27
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14.
03:10

about

Neil Conway -vocals, rhythm guitar
Pat Boyle -trumpet, trombone, dobro
Duane Andrews -lead guitar
Dave Rowe -basses

Extended family:
Colleen Power - backing vocals
Dan Smith -drums
Glen Nuotio -out of tune Bon Tempi organ on track 1
Neil Rosenberg -banjo on track 3
Graham Wells -button accordion on track 3
Curtis Andrews -drums on tracks 4, 8 and 11
Vick Tilley -mandola on track 6
Adrian Doyle -pedal steel on track 7
Jody Richardson -backing vocals on tracks 7 and 9

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Neil Conway and Lee Tizzard
St. John's, Newfoundland July 2003-June 2004.
Artwork, photos and layout by Neil

credits

released June 1, 2004

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Track Name: Thrift Store Boogie
Thrift Store Boogie (Bon Tempi Tune)

I found my favorite organ
with plastic keys and hummin' little fan
an old record player and
the best they had for vinyl wasn't bad
They had Christmas albums, workout records
and every golden oldie compilation
and stompin’ tunes like Boxcar Willy
well I bought every one that tiny thrift store had

I paid a dollar for these pants
at the Salvation Army
Praise the lord
there ain't no tax
on a deal this divine
Praise the lord
Jesus would have dug my style
and how I shopped around
in loving harmony
the cashier played the gospel
on my little plastic organ
so I bought it for six dollars
praise the lord

I left that store with more than I'd
ever strapped onto my bike before
Peddled home safe and sound
and just as I was walkin' through the door
They were jammin' in the kitchen
on a bluegrass reggae klezmer rumba reel
I plugged in my new organ and told
everyone about them thrift store deals
Track Name: Bush Lies in Bed
Bush Lies in Bed

Bush lies in bed with Bin Ladens
all over the world they murder lots of folks
You know they had good training
the best the CIA could provide
ya

Well the boys they got it good in the white house.
Republicrats keepin’ the scale tipped their way
Won’t you stay for a fresh cup of oil?
Let’s boil the kettle and settle some soil

What a kick ass country bumpkin
butt woopin’ cookin’ up a plan
So you can be free in your SUV
Yes freedom was the cry! Free to cut the pie
You could just die to cut that pie

Bush lies in bed with bombs in the sky
calls it defense but that’s a lie
It's terror after terror and the bearer of the pain
once again: your neighbor

Well the boys got it good...

It’s thrilling to see those heroic young patriots
with sun sets and all the best gear
I hear they’re really nailin' those terrorists
The president said them jihad guys were
terrified of us!
Track Name: Fat Head Waltz and Breakdown
This is the instrumental version!

Fat Head Fascist (original lyrics)

Fathead Fascist
oil up your ass
So you can go and sit
on your swastika
Fathead Fascist
it's time to turn the pages
Why must your brain remain
in the dark ages

You say that you're superior
You wish that I were dead
I think the wind is blowing through
you're shiny melon head
Why don't you read a book?
Forget about the way you look
Does it really matter what
colour your ass is

Fathead Fascist...
Did you crack you're cranium
when you were just a kid
Humpty Dumpty's head
look's just like yours
You plus the queen
equals me plus Hakim
equals Peter Skinhead picked
a pile of bullshit
Track Name: Behind The Curtains
Behind the Curtains

Everybody's got their secrets
We're all different behind the curtains
She's into whips and PVC
He dances naked to Kenny G
Well I've got a little secret
that's been a weighin' my conscience down
You may as well here it from me
word seems to be gettin' 'round

I'm secretly an internet porn star
I guess it's not such a secret anymore
Is anybody listening secretly a fan
That's OK, you can keep your secret
with your hand

Cyber slutface
You can do me virtually
Hope you've got lots of RAM
Cyber slutface
Grab your partner, do-see-do
Click that mouse and watch me go

I don't make too much money
I guess I'm in it for the attention
and I'd also like to mention
neilconway.ca
I've got a pretty good day job
It keeps me fed with a nice warm bed
I like guns, doughnuts and tea
I'm a tough titty RCM

but I'm secretly...
Track Name: Wake 'n' Bake Weekday
Wake & Bake Weekday

I went to work last week
my boss gave me some grief
He said my job had to be
my life's priority
So I asked him "could you lay me off
I need my stamps to get E.I.
He told me I was fired
so I quit

Now it's a wake 'n bake weekday
I just lost my job
Mall rat baby left me
and my guitar to sob
boo hoo hoo hoo
No more flippin' them burgers
I am too incompetent
Yes my sixteen-year-old manager
gave me the slip

I told Roxanne on Friday night
down at the bar
She asked me if I could still
afford to drive my car
Words led to an argument
now she's left me all alone
With no one to take to the mall
and my money's all gone

chorus...

Now I'm all spaced out
not sure if I'll finish writing this
'Cause this wake 'n bake weekday
leaves my mind to drift
boo hoo hoo hoo
Track Name: I'd Rather Blow It Up
I'd Rather Blow It Up

It's hard to be an asshole
and politically correct
I'd hand you down the atomic bomb
but my penis is erect
I was born to fuck you over
but all you will regret
is that everyone's an asshole
with a list of things to get

God bless testosterone
and the money in the bank
Gonna buy myself a pick-up truck
and a hot rod Sherman tank
God bless the powers
of exclusive ownership
I'd rather blow it up
than share it

Lord bless my opinion
and hold it up for praise
I'm the only one that's right
and I'll argue that for days
God forbid if anyone
should ever disagree
I've got a fist to prove my point
so honey follow me
Track Name: The Lesbian Boxer Song
The Lesbian Boxer Song

I could tell by the way she looked at me
that she was a bit pissed off
It really became obvious
when she hit me with a rock
But you know that I still love her
even though I lost an eye
I'm sure I need her lovin'
but I ain't too damned sure why

Someone call the doctor
I'm in love with a lesbian boxer
and she bruises up my body
when I follow her around
She says that I'm an asshole
and I can't say that she's wrong
But I hope I get some action
for writing her this song

She said back off you loser
get away from me real fast
I've never been a quitter
so I gently squeezed her ass
But you know that I still love her
even though she hates my guts
My love for her grew stronger
when she kicked me in the shins

chorus...

I said "now honey darlin'
don't you know that I'm your man?
If anyone can please you,
you've got to know I can."
But you know that I still love her
even though she turned and ran
There's something about women
that I just don't understand
Track Name: Be Pop
Be Pop

I wanna be pop and still rock
I wanna have my cake and sell it too
I want to do taboos and booze
how about you?

I wanna make art for myself
I wanna live a long life of love and health
I wanna flip right outside of myself
I wanna be pop and still rock

But the more I say the less I play
Some people think my tunes are risqué
I wanna be that I wanna be this
but I need to be yours

I wanna pour my heart in-
to a cocktail glass for you to drink
with a splash of Kalua now the sewa' doesn't stink
everything is grand when you stand there winkin'

and I'm thinkin' I'm pop or was for a moment
as time goes on all this poppin' causes my head
to inflate and deflate so I rock it out instead
I hate to be mislead

I wanna be pop and still rock
Track Name: Set My Willy Free
Set My Willy Free

Woke up that afternoon
Crawled out of my bed
Raked a plastic comb
up across my achin' head
Washed my dirty face and
changed my rotten shirt
Noticed I was wearin'
my friend jimmy's miniskirt
(but that's another story)
Put on my jeans
without lookin' down to see
and when I pulled my zipper
my zipper pulled on me
Oh the surprise
Oh the agony
When I pulled on my zipper
my zipper pulled on me

I ran around the shack
lettin' out a frightful roar
Woke up my friend Jimmy
who was sleepin' on the floor
Jimmy stumbled 'round
still drunk from last nights booze
I ranted and I roared
and he looked a bit confused
I begged and whimpered Jimmy
won't you set my willy free
but when he pulled my zipper
my zipper pulled on me
Oh the surprise
Oh the agony
When Jimmy pulled my zipper
my zipper pulled on me

Well that stupid drunken' Jimmy
could be of no use to me
I ran to see the doctor
pleading set my willy free
The doctor was a scholar
and a rabbi in his prime
He told me not to worry
he had done this several times
A couple hours later
I was strollin' down the street
The doctor set my willy free
but sadly incomplete
Track Name: I Want It
I Want It

I want it now
I want it for me
I want it for you too
I want it forever

I want drugs, sex pie and ice cream
Drugs, sex, pie and ice cream
That's all I want
I don't need no more
Baby let's get together
and go to the store

Chocolate syrup
whipped cream
Hagen Daz marijuana
fantasies
I gotta get my kicks
and my calories
Let's go into the kitchen
I'm beggin' ya please

What kind of drugs?
Well you know me
What kind of sex?
Baby as you please
What kind of pie?
Chocolate pie will do
Just as long as the ice cream
is all over you
Track Name: Oh God
Oh God

God bless the inventors of God
bless the inventors of God signed
God bless the inventors of God
bless the inventors of God signed
God bless the inventors of God
bless the inventors of God signed God
signed God signed God signed God

signed man
Why must you scare the hell into me
man?
Why must you scare the hell into me?
Whoa oh ah oh oh ah oh
Couldn't keep your pockets full
Could not afford a pedestal
So you'll stand on my head
instead

Man
You've got a bogus reference letter
man
God dropped by but you wouldn't let 'er sing
Whoa oh ah oh oh ah oh
Couldn't make her change the lyrics
Held auditions for new spirits
and hired a front man instead
Track Name: Down Street
Down Street

Down Street
forget about Down Street
That's just where I'll be
for the time bein'
Down Street
forget about that street
'cause it's the place
where friendly faces change

Old skid row is wearin' holes
in the soles of my shoes
Those down town boys are spreadin' rumors
it's all the same ol' news

on Down Street
forget about that street
Just let this highway
drive away my memory

Ain't got that girl ain't got that money
ain't got that much to say that's funny except
Why won't this chicken
cross the road
She's gone for good and it seems like
everyone else is leavin' too
All I wanna do
is feel better

than Down Street
forget about that street
Just let this highway
drive away my memory
Track Name: Let's Say Goodbye
Let's Say Goodbye

Let's say goodbye to biodiversity
Let's say hello to our new plan
They've promised us burgers and the new improved thing
and shiny new robots made in Japan

Let's say goodbye to forests and animals
Let's say goodbye for our children
Let's celebrate the extinction of life
We'll make a better world for us to live in

Oh they'll make me so happy, those factory walls
They'll make foot-long hotdogs and new plastic dolls
We'll owe all our futures to big industry
Rollin' in the money is just where I want to be

Who could refuse such a wonderful life
Let's all join hands to destroy the land
We'll probably all get cancer with no clean air to breath
but I'm sure we'll get robots straight from Japan
Track Name: All Day Long
All Day Long

I want to play in the mud
won't you stay and be my buddy
we can play in the mud
in the sun all day long

but when the weather gets wet
and the mud gets cold
I wouldn't even get in
when I usually roll in it
I go inside to get
dry with you
have some hot chocolate
and hide with you

We can get warm and dry

I want to jump in a lake
Let’s see how much fun we can take
why don't we jump in a lake
in the sun all day long

'cause if the sky stay's dry
we can stay outside
'till the mud cracks up,
when it dries
we can bake in the sun
like a couple of cakes
and go for a dip
in that lake

I could go for a bit of that cake

I want to climb a tree
ya we're just another kind of monkey
Why don't we climb a tree
in the sun all day long

but everywhere I go
there's less around
and they'll chase you down
if you climb 'em in town
could use my own
but I don't own no tree
I’m just another
kind of monkey

and look how far we can see