The Somethin' Family Album

by Neil Conway

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1.
Thrift Store Boogie (Bon Tempi Tune) I found my favorite organ with plastic keys and hummin' little fan an old record player and the best they had for vinyl wasn't bad They had Christmas albums, workout records and every golden oldie compilation and stompin’ tunes like Boxcar Willy well I bought every one that tiny thrift store had I paid a dollar for these pants at the Salvation Army Praise the lord there ain't no tax on a deal this divine Praise the lord Jesus would have dug my style and how I shopped around in loving harmony the cashier played the gospel on my little plastic organ so I bought it for six dollars praise the lord I left that store with more than I'd ever strapped onto my bike before Peddled home safe and sound and just as I was walkin' through the door They were jammin' in the kitchen on a bluegrass reggae klezmer rumba reel I plugged in my new organ and told everyone about them thrift store deals
2.
Bush Lies in Bed Bush lies in bed with Bin Ladens all over the world they murder lots of folks You know they had good training the best the CIA could provide ya Well the boys they got it good in the white house. Republicrats keepin’ the scale tipped their way Won’t you stay for a fresh cup of oil? Let’s boil the kettle and settle some soil What a kick ass country bumpkin butt woopin’ cookin’ up a plan So you can be free in your SUV Yes freedom was the cry! Free to cut the pie You could just die to cut that pie Bush lies in bed with bombs in the sky calls it defense but that’s a lie It's terror after terror and the bearer of the pain once again: your neighbor Well the boys got it good... It’s thrilling to see those heroic young patriots with sun sets and all the best gear I hear they’re really nailin' those terrorists The president said them jihad guys were terrified of us!
3.
This is the instrumental version! Fat Head Fascist (original lyrics) Fathead Fascist oil up your ass So you can go and sit on your swastika Fathead Fascist it's time to turn the pages Why must your brain remain in the dark ages You say that you're superior You wish that I were dead I think the wind is blowing through you're shiny melon head Why don't you read a book? Forget about the way you look Does it really matter what colour your ass is Fathead Fascist... Did you crack you're cranium when you were just a kid Humpty Dumpty's head look's just like yours You plus the queen equals me plus Hakim equals Peter Skinhead picked a pile of bullshit
4.
Behind the Curtains Everybody's got their secrets We're all different behind the curtains She's into whips and PVC He dances naked to Kenny G Well I've got a little secret that's been a weighin' my conscience down You may as well here it from me word seems to be gettin' 'round I'm secretly an internet porn star I guess it's not such a secret anymore Is anybody listening secretly a fan That's OK, you can keep your secret with your hand Cyber slutface You can do me virtually Hope you've got lots of RAM Cyber slutface Grab your partner, do-see-do Click that mouse and watch me go I don't make too much money I guess I'm in it for the attention and I'd also like to mention neilconway.ca I've got a pretty good day job It keeps me fed with a nice warm bed I like guns, doughnuts and tea I'm a tough titty RCM but I'm secretly...
5.
Wake & Bake Weekday I went to work last week my boss gave me some grief He said my job had to be my life's priority So I asked him "could you lay me off I need my stamps to get E.I. He told me I was fired so I quit Now it's a wake 'n bake weekday I just lost my job Mall rat baby left me and my guitar to sob boo hoo hoo hoo No more flippin' them burgers I am too incompetent Yes my sixteen-year-old manager gave me the slip I told Roxanne on Friday night down at the bar She asked me if I could still afford to drive my car Words led to an argument now she's left me all alone With no one to take to the mall and my money's all gone chorus... Now I'm all spaced out not sure if I'll finish writing this 'Cause this wake 'n bake weekday leaves my mind to drift boo hoo hoo hoo
6.
I'd Rather Blow It Up It's hard to be an asshole and politically correct I'd hand you down the atomic bomb but my penis is erect I was born to fuck you over but all you will regret is that everyone's an asshole with a list of things to get God bless testosterone and the money in the bank Gonna buy myself a pick-up truck and a hot rod Sherman tank God bless the powers of exclusive ownership I'd rather blow it up than share it Lord bless my opinion and hold it up for praise I'm the only one that's right and I'll argue that for days God forbid if anyone should ever disagree I've got a fist to prove my point so honey follow me
7.
The Lesbian Boxer Song I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was a bit pissed off It really became obvious when she hit me with a rock But you know that I still love her even though I lost an eye I'm sure I need her lovin' but I ain't too damned sure why Someone call the doctor I'm in love with a lesbian boxer and she bruises up my body when I follow her around She says that I'm an asshole and I can't say that she's wrong But I hope I get some action for writing her this song She said back off you loser get away from me real fast I've never been a quitter so I gently squeezed her ass But you know that I still love her even though she hates my guts My love for her grew stronger when she kicked me in the shins chorus... I said "now honey darlin' don't you know that I'm your man? If anyone can please you, you've got to know I can." But you know that I still love her even though she turned and ran There's something about women that I just don't understand
8.
Be Pop 02:58
Be Pop I wanna be pop and still rock I wanna have my cake and sell it too I want to do taboos and booze how about you? I wanna make art for myself I wanna live a long life of love and health I wanna flip right outside of myself I wanna be pop and still rock But the more I say the less I play Some people think my tunes are risqué I wanna be that I wanna be this but I need to be yours I wanna pour my heart in- to a cocktail glass for you to drink with a splash of Kalua now the sewa' doesn't stink everything is grand when you stand there winkin' and I'm thinkin' I'm pop or was for a moment as time goes on all this poppin' causes my head to inflate and deflate so I rock it out instead I hate to be mislead I wanna be pop and still rock
9.
Set My Willy Free Woke up that afternoon Crawled out of my bed Raked a plastic comb up across my achin' head Washed my dirty face and changed my rotten shirt Noticed I was wearin' my friend jimmy's miniskirt (but that's another story) Put on my jeans without lookin' down to see and when I pulled my zipper my zipper pulled on me Oh the surprise Oh the agony When I pulled on my zipper my zipper pulled on me I ran around the shack lettin' out a frightful roar Woke up my friend Jimmy who was sleepin' on the floor Jimmy stumbled 'round still drunk from last nights booze I ranted and I roared and he looked a bit confused I begged and whimpered Jimmy won't you set my willy free but when he pulled my zipper my zipper pulled on me Oh the surprise Oh the agony When Jimmy pulled my zipper my zipper pulled on me Well that stupid drunken' Jimmy could be of no use to me I ran to see the doctor pleading set my willy free The doctor was a scholar and a rabbi in his prime He told me not to worry he had done this several times A couple hours later I was strollin' down the street The doctor set my willy free but sadly incomplete
10.
I Want It 02:46
I Want It I want it now I want it for me I want it for you too I want it forever I want drugs, sex pie and ice cream Drugs, sex, pie and ice cream That's all I want I don't need no more Baby let's get together and go to the store Chocolate syrup whipped cream Hagen Daz marijuana fantasies I gotta get my kicks and my calories Let's go into the kitchen I'm beggin' ya please What kind of drugs? Well you know me What kind of sex? Baby as you please What kind of pie? Chocolate pie will do Just as long as the ice cream is all over you
11.
Oh God 03:37
Oh God God bless the inventors of God bless the inventors of God signed God bless the inventors of God bless the inventors of God signed God bless the inventors of God bless the inventors of God signed God signed God signed God signed God signed man Why must you scare the hell into me man? Why must you scare the hell into me? Whoa oh ah oh oh ah oh Couldn't keep your pockets full Could not afford a pedestal So you'll stand on my head instead Man You've got a bogus reference letter man God dropped by but you wouldn't let 'er sing Whoa oh ah oh oh ah oh Couldn't make her change the lyrics Held auditions for new spirits and hired a front man instead
12.
Down Street 03:27
Down Street Down Street forget about Down Street That's just where I'll be for the time bein' Down Street forget about that street 'cause it's the place where friendly faces change Old skid row is wearin' holes in the soles of my shoes Those down town boys are spreadin' rumors it's all the same ol' news on Down Street forget about that street Just let this highway drive away my memory Ain't got that girl ain't got that money ain't got that much to say that's funny except Why won't this chicken cross the road She's gone for good and it seems like everyone else is leavin' too All I wanna do is feel better than Down Street forget about that street Just let this highway drive away my memory
13.
Let's Say Goodbye Let's say goodbye to biodiversity Let's say hello to our new plan They've promised us burgers and the new improved thing and shiny new robots made in Japan Let's say goodbye to forests and animals Let's say goodbye for our children Let's celebrate the extinction of life We'll make a better world for us to live in Oh they'll make me so happy, those factory walls They'll make foot-long hotdogs and new plastic dolls We'll owe all our futures to big industry Rollin' in the money is just where I want to be Who could refuse such a wonderful life Let's all join hands to destroy the land We'll probably all get cancer with no clean air to breath but I'm sure we'll get robots straight from Japan
14.
All Day Long 03:10
All Day Long I want to play in the mud won't you stay and be my buddy we can play in the mud in the sun all day long but when the weather gets wet and the mud gets cold I wouldn't even get in when I usually roll in it I go inside to get dry with you have some hot chocolate and hide with you We can get warm and dry I want to jump in a lake Let’s see how much fun we can take why don't we jump in a lake in the sun all day long 'cause if the sky stay's dry we can stay outside 'till the mud cracks up, when it dries we can bake in the sun like a couple of cakes and go for a dip in that lake I could go for a bit of that cake I want to climb a tree ya we're just another kind of monkey Why don't we climb a tree in the sun all day long but everywhere I go there's less around and they'll chase you down if you climb 'em in town could use my own but I don't own no tree I’m just another kind of monkey and look how far we can see

about

Neil Conway -vocals, rhythm guitar
Pat Boyle -trumpet, trombone, dobro
Duane Andrews -lead guitar
Dave Rowe -basses

Extended family:
Colleen Power - backing vocals
Dan Smith -drums
Glen Nuotio -out of tune Bon Tempi organ on track 1
Neil Rosenberg -banjo on track 3
Graham Wells -button accordion on track 3
Curtis Andrews -drums on tracks 4, 8 and 11
Vick Tilley -mandola on track 6
Adrian Doyle -pedal steel on track 7
Jody Richardson -backing vocals on tracks 7 and 9

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Neil Conway and Lee Tizzard
St. John's, Newfoundland July 2003-June 2004.
Artwork, photos and layout by Neil

credits

released June 1, 2004

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Neil Conway St John's, Newfoundland and Labrador

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