Songs For Topical Use

by Neil Conway

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released October 22, 2013

Neil Conway -vocals, guitar; stomps’n’claps(2), Percussionet(4)
Patrick Boyle - trumpet, lap steel, backups(1,4)
Dave Rowe - bass, backups(1,4)
Duane Andrews – lead guitar(1-4,6,8,9,12)
Andrew McCarthy – drums, congas(5)
Curtis Andrews - stomps’n’claps(2)
Colleen Power and Liz Solo- backups(4)
Steve Crewe - backups(10)

Written, arranged and produced by Neil Conway
Except "Hey Little Buddy" - traditional with lyrics by Neil Conway
Solos and improvisations by Duane Andrews and Patrick Boyle
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Neil Conway and Lee Tizzard, St. John's, Newfoundland, 2013
Artwork by Jose Gonzalez

Copyright 2013, Neil Conway (SOCAN)


all rights reserved



Neil Conway St John's, Newfoundland and Labrador

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Track Name: Beautiful Vegan Girl
Beautiful Vegan Girl

I love that vegetarian girl
she's my sweet potato pie,
the apple of my heart
avocado of my eye
my gluten duck ducky of joy
the woman of my whirl
Imagine this plain ol' country boy
with that beautiful vegan girl

Will I ever get her? Vegetarian girl
Will I ever get her into my world?
Would it be any better vegetarian vegetarian
vegetarian vegetarian?

I want that beautiful vegan girl
but I fear she's far too fickle
Like an expensive condiment
I'm in a mango of a pickle
The pathway to her artichoke
makes my heart grow gay
But if I don't stop eating meat
I may never get my way, so

I went downtown, bought some vegetables,
gumboed the gumption to call her up
So sophisticated and able
I'm all boc choyed and asparagussied up
Track Name: Crackers and Sardines
Crackers and Sardines

I am hungry tonight but I'm doing alright
Yes the money is tight but I'm keen
I was getting fat but forget about that
'cause soon I'll be sexy and lean
No I can't pay the rent so I live in a tent
I was given tentatively
Out here in the woods the living is good
and I'm loving my crackers and sardines

Crackers and sardines, crackers and sardines
Calcium, calories, protein
Crackers and sardines, crackers and sardines
Tomorrow is a whole new can of beans
Crackers and sardines, crackers and sardines
Them oily ol’ omega 3s
Crackers and sardines, crackers and sardines
Tomorrow is a whole new can of beans

I slide in at night by the guide of moonlight
No it's not much for sight but it's free
I have neighbours nearby but I never say hi
'cause I value my sweet privacy
I am new on the scene so I'm keepin' it clean
Layin' low if you know what I mean
Welcome to my estate, brush the leaves off your plate
and stay for some crackers and sardines

Crackers and sardines, crackers and sardines...
Track Name: The Other Side of The Tracks
The Other Side of the Track

We're going over to the other side of the track
and there's only two ways that'll take you back
So you best get to knowing just where they're at
You don't wanna wind up in a trap

Being big and breezy can be really hard
You try to take it easy but you end up scarred
Now you're too busy with your business card
I think you turned around too far

So watch your back
but don't get your back up
pick that slack up
that stuff could stack up

There's only so far you can walk up a hill
But you keep on climbing to the highest thrill
And still you stay to play until
you start coming down that hill

I've never been a person who plays it safe
I can take it further at a slower pace
I never look at living like a motor race
but I give in to go for a chase
Track Name: Online Arguing
Online Arguing

I’m spending too much time on the internet
tryin’ to get some bits to make some sense
When at the end of it, I always will regret
Those nasty hateful bickering comments
I keep reading it even though I get upset
It’s all so controversial and intense
There’s anger and confusion, ignorance and lies
It’s no surprise with online arguments

Online arguing
Online arguing

I read an article about the Middle East
The least that I could leave was my two cents
You see I believe in peace, but to my disbelief
it seems to be a federal offense
They called me lots of names of which I won’t repeat
and on and on and on with this nonsense
Thumbs were pointing down ‘till my words could not be found
within the sound of online arguments

Online arguing
Online arguing

Sitting all alone, boiling in my head
Angry at some folks that I can’t see
Whatever comes across inside of what is said
Doesn’t come across as you or me
Exclamation this with CAPITALS INSTEAD
of the lower key I like to be
If my fingertips are sharp and to the point
At what point do you think we will agree?
Track Name: White Pride
White Pride

White pride, white power,
What's all this about white survival?
All a pile of baloney
phoney science and twisted bible

So down down with your power
wherever it may be found
Down with white power
May your grand children be brown

Afraid of looks and languages
when what you should really fear
is how you KKK kids are getting
more inbred every year

You act so tough and scary
hiding behind your mask
Are you brave? -not very
You carry out cowardly tasks

Though I may stand against you
I wish you all the best
May kindness shine within your mind
May hatred forever rest
Track Name: Kindergarten In Iraq
Kindergarten in Iraq

He is just a kid who cannot even spell his name
Picture books and bedtime stories haven’t been the same
Since daddy disappeared and all the scary soldiers came
Staring out the window wondering who he should blame

Now his homework isn’t done. What a little brat
He felt like studying since before the first attack
He was left behind and then they held him back
For another year of kindergarten in Iraq

He doesn’t understand why all these people came to fight
Nightmares and loud noises make for many sleepless nights
He’ll have to suck it up ‘cause this is gonna be his life
There’s even people on my street who said it would be right

Now his homework isn’t done…

It’s not an easy time for a learning mind
Searching through the rubble of a haunted past to find
A better way, some hopeful sign
Beyond this chaos by design

Now his homework isn’t done…
Track Name: Gee Thanks
Gee Thanks

I don't have a dollar
but I do have a loan
I pay no bother
'cause I don’t have a phone
Hey Mr speaker
Won’t you cover my fare
I’m nearly as needy as a poor

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

Private profit
Public debt
We little people
gonna pay you can bet
The big ones are too big
so they're making them bigger
They prop 'em up when they should chop 'em up!
Go figure.

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

Over in Cypress
you would not believe
what troika bankers
have up their sleeve
Once you deposit
there's no guarantee
They got the money and you get

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

Down at the crime scene
You will see
the usual suspect
Money changers
ain't a changin'
Where the hell is Jesus Christ
when you need him?

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

All of the betters
are calling the bluff
The jiggy is up
The titty is tough
Where did the milk go
they promised to give?
Fat cats have no answer
to give

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

They screwed up this time
So what is their reward?
Anything they ask for
is all we can afford
Look at the homeless
They can have the blame
They’re just little people
In a big people game

They bailed out the banks
Gee thanks

Forget about the bills
can you spare a dime?
We ain’t in the money
And we ain’t on time
There's no rhyme or reason
But the treason is clear
the dawn of a brand new
season is near
Track Name: The Bureaucratic Blues
The Bureaucratic Blues

You can't come in this way please use the other door
No you can't come in this way please use the other door
If this entrance ain’t for me, just who is it for?

You’ll have to take a number, stand on the right and form a line
You’ll have to take a number, stand on the right and form a line
When you’re the only one who’s waiting just how do you form a line?

I got the bureaucratic blues. I pay my mind and I loose
I got the bureaucratic blues. I pay my mind and I loose
What might be right for you, ain't for you to choose

If you're red, go ahead. If you're blue you know what to do
I said if you're red go ahead. If you're blue you know what to do
You can forget it purple people. The rules say you'll be screwed

‘Cause if you slide in the slot then you win. If you don't then you lose
If you slide in the slot then you win. If you don't then you lose
You can keep your cookie cutter. I'm another with the bureaucratic blues

I got the bureaucratic blues…
Track Name: Hey Little Buddy
Hey Little Buddy

Hey little buddy. We'll show ‘em
I’m gonna write you a poem

and if that poem's terrible
I’m gonna write you a parable

and if that parable ain't true
I’m gonna write you a haiku

and if that haiku gets too long
I’m gonna turn it into a song

and if that song's a pile of crap
I’m gonna write you a gangster rap

and if I can’t flow in the zone
I’m gonna make you a ring tone

and if that ring tone don't bling
you ain't getting anything
Track Name: Wishing War Was Over
I wish that war was over

To you the battle starter,
when will your deed be done?
You make a mighty martyr
of a lonely mother's son
Now the conflict doesn't end
How will your peace be won?
How do you make a friend
at the barrel of a gun?

I wish that war was over
I wish that war was over

Who are you to judge
with your deeds of pain and terror?
You point a crooked finger
without looking in the mirror
All the death and suffering
that the innocent endure
will not make you or me
or anybody more secure

I wish that war was over...

The world on television
makes everything so near
We watch it at an angle
spangled in fear
But you can point them out
those selfish hateful lies
We're walking through a fog
We're in for a surprise

I wish that war was over...

There's no moral to the story
but there's money to be made
The ones who want destruction
are the ones who will be paid
When business starts ka-booming
they can-always find a loan
if there's monetary value
in that military zone

I wish that war was over
this has gone on for too long
I wish there was no reason
for this song
this may not be quite
what you were looking for
but as long as you are listening
this about that war

I wish that war was over!
Track Name: Greenery

You can stare. You can point at me
Call it fair, well it's annoying me
You got eyes? So do I. So why?

Laugh and poke fun at me
at the half or the one of me
I'm there when you're done with me

Like a seed in the breeze
That’ll be in the leaves
making plans

You can shove or you can lean on me
I'm a dove in your scenery
Be you mean or be you seen with me

You can kick. You can punch at me
Use a stick. Make a lunch of me
But there's still a bunch of me

Like a seed in the breeze...

You can kill and devour me
But I will be a sour pea
A song in a flower seed

You can't stop me
Track Name: No Lift
No Lift

That's it! I'm through waiting
That's it! It’s the time for taking
That's it! I'm done with this
I can't get no lift

On the corner with a sign
waiting for someone to be kind
But I don't get anywhere
The more they got the less they care

Well that's it…

Downtown with an itchy brain
Scrounging around to easy my pain
Ain't got no medicine
Dr Hack Saw please let us in

Well that's it…

I’ve been standing on the line
just waiting for my time
I’ve been hating for too long
debating with a bomb

Well that’s it…

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